


Something

by living_dead_parker



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Nonbinary Hinata Shouyou, Sort Of, Suicidal Thoughts, and the suicide mention, bc i'm not okay, but it's not too bad, but just like Hinata, but not exactly because this is not canon at all, but that's as bad as it gets, he goes by he/they, he's figuring it out, i try to mix in they to show that, i'll be fine, i'm actually going through it, im so sorry, it might be confusing, just me projecting onto Hinata, so semi Character Study, teen rating for cussing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:56:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29519118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/living_dead_parker/pseuds/living_dead_parker
Summary: Shoyo Hinata was at his breaking point.He’d reached his limit, felt like he’d turned every stone and yet, to no avail. It seemed like the more time passed, the less he had a grip on reality. He’s not sure how he ended up here, standing at the top of his old usual hiking trail, middle of the night, letting go of the screams he’d been holding in forever.It goes like this; Hinata starts college unsure of what he wants to do with his life -- a recurring theme in his life, which is getting annoying at this point.
Kudos: 4





	Something

Shoyo Hinata was at his breaking point. 

He’d reached his limit, felt like he’d turned every stone and yet, to no avail. It seemed like the more time passed, the less he had a grip on reality. He’s not sure how he ended up here, standing at the top of his old usual hiking trail, middle of the night, letting go of the screams he’d been holding in forever. 

It goes like this; Hinata starts college unsure of what he wants to do with his life -- a recurring theme in his life, which is getting annoying at this point. He graduated high school and everyone already had plans, had their life set in stone, almost. Hinata did not. He did not, he did not, he did not. Let’s get that cleared; he does not know what he wants to do with his life. So he starts college and he’s studying some type of science he doesn’t care about because he thinks science is cool. That is until his second semester when he takes a biology course and drops the course two weeks in. He will not do it. So, he changed his major to something he might be better at. He continues going to school and things are hard and confusing and he still doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. On top of that, the pressures of staying alive are catching up to him. He needs a job, but he’s scared of entering the adult world. 

Ultimately, he gets a job babysitting and things are okay, it’s all relatively easy. Except he’s more like a nanny. Not even a live-in nanny either, he’s just there so much to take care of the kids and it becomes stressful in no time. He also realizes he's kind of underpaid. Out of fear of not wanting to look like a pushover or something, he just deals with it. One thing he wishes people told him was that being a nanny is a field where you are very underappreciated. Maybe a nice card with a bonus on Christmas, a flower, or even a simple pay raise would show he’s more appreciated. Nonetheless, he needs the money and who is he to complain, right? 

School begins to pile on and for some reason, he’s begun to reflect on himself lately. It makes it nearly impossible for him to study. He finds himself questioning everything about himself and as he wastes time doing that, he realizes he’s running out of time. He realizes that time is infinite but we only have so much of it and it freaks him out. Time is not his friend and he hates time. 

Time can go die. Time can go suck a dick or something. Time should stop being an asshole, he thinks. Time is so stupid. Money is so stupid. Gender is so stupid-

When did he start thinking things like that? 

Even so, he’s right, he thinks. They think. Yeah, that sounds good. But so does he! 

“What the fuck?” Shoyo asks no one in particular. 

So now that’s another weight he carries. They carry. Another thing to dwell on for far too long and just wastes more time-

Time, that abhorrent, no-good thing. It’s dumb. 

He’s reaching the end of his studies, and the fork at the end of the road is visible and he’s still not sure what he wants to do. He knows it’s definitely not whatever he’s currently doing. He’s stuck and you never cage a bird in. Yet here he is, stuck in a cage of his own creation. Now he’s scared and alone despite the number of people around him. He’s not sure what to do anymore. 

Does he continue on his current path? Does he run away? Does he just end it all? 

More often than not, it’s starting to look more appealing. Not in a sad kind of way; not in a depressing kind of way. More as a form of escapism. The ultimate escape, really. He won’t need to become a proper adult if they do it. But he stops those thoughts as quickly as they come. 

Still, the underappreciated and lonely feeling doesn’t only stop at work. It continues when he talks to his sister, who is now doing her own thing in the world. She’s a teen now, he gets it. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less. It continues when Shoyo speaks to his friends and they’re all moving on and he’s still at square one. Actually, he’s never even moved from it. Right when he’s about to, he gets scared and stops, remaining in place. His love life is non-existent and at this point, he doesn’t care to work for it anymore. He just wants to sleep. 

Instead, he turns on his music, runs off towards the usual hiking trail they take and he runs. It’s nighttime, it’s cold, it’s dark. He runs, and then he walks, then runs again, and it’s a cycle. Until he reaches the end of the trail, ending right at a cliff. He looks up at the night sky and screams, letting it all out. 

The worries don’t go away. For the time being, however, he’s okay. Everything’s okay, even if it’s not.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter: BOKVHOE


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